SADDAM IS OUR BITCH!!!!!!

I woke up to some freshness this morning! I wake up a little, and there's Saddam Hussein's punk-ass on the tv! I wake up a little bit more, and I see that this is new footage of his arraignment, live from Iraq! That kicks ass! That judge was so fresh too! He's got lots of experience even though he ain't even 40 yet, and he didn't take any of Saddam's bait to draw him into a political discussion and away from the trial. He wasn't intimidated by Saddam in the least! That kicks ass. Saddam's rockin' a beard now, he's not wearing his traditional cocksucking buffer; his mustache.

FUNNY THINGS TO DO WITH MIND CONTROL:

First, any kind of live tv is in deep shit. I would've made the judge get up, punch Saddam in his mouth, call him a dog (Appparently that's a big diss in Muslim culture. Imagine if someone came up to you and told you that your mother sucks dirty gnome cock, swallows their jizz, then pukes it back up on your pillow. It's kinda like that.), and just sit back down for no reason.

I'd make Jessica's mom look at her dad and say "DON'T MAKE ME PULL MY DICK OUT AND DO CARTWHEELS!!!!!" while they're eating with the whole family, like at Thanksgiving or something. She'd scream it in his face while everybody was all quiet! Goddammit, I can't even type 'cause that's making me laugh so hard!!!!!

I'd go up in an old folks home and make everybody riot!!!! Old people would be screaming "EASTSIDE BYYYAAAATCH!!!!" in their little old people voices! And little old ladies would be chasing the staff using their walkers and shit!!!!!

Speaking of old people, their is the cutest old lady that comes into the Royal station every so often. Okay, this cute little old lady comes in, and buys A 40 OF OLD ENGLISH every time! She puts it up on the counter, and she's always really nice, but she wants me to hurry up and put it in the bag. She's always got a bunch of excuses too, like, it goes really good with spaghetti, and all sorts of others, I can't remember them though.

Yesterday was fun. (Hump day kicks ass. :D ) Jessica is hot as hell, but she hates the way she looks. That sucks!!! I don't know what happened to her to make her think that she's so gross, but she's hot as shit and she seems to have no comprehesion of it! You know, I used to think I was the most disgusting thing on this planet, and that came from me being really fat when I was a kid. ( "They called me Stay-Puft Marshmellow man 'cause I was so fat my arms looked like they were sectioned off in rubber bands!" -Jaime Madrox) I mean, I still have residual mental problems from that, but as I've gotten older, I've also gotten more handsome. Maybe she was fucked with when she was younger and she doesn't realize that she's hot now. I don't know. She's fuckin' hot. I want her all the time. HAPPY TWITCHING!!!!!

You know, I think I actually may be getting an ego. I mean, I've begun to realize that I'm actually kind of attractive, and I DEFINITELY have been pulling a lot of women lately. Wow, that's SO CRAZY to me!!! Every time a beautiful woman talks to me or flirts with me, I just can't get over how fresh that is! It's so weird and crazy to me, they don't mace me or slap me, they don't call the cops, nothing! Anyway, back to my ego thing; what I'm afraid of is that I'll turn into that faggot Nathan. That motherfucker is the last person I want to be like. He would fuckin' think he was God's gift to fuckin' EVERYONE, when he wasn't shit! Every time I see a girl who says that he was hot, it pisses me off to no end! Maybe he was somewhat attractive physically ( women that knew him say he had a nice body, but an ugly face) but he had the most disgusting soul I have ever came across. He was a dickface! I just don't want to be anything like that. God I need counseling.

Kline's dairy bar was in this month's issue of MAXIM. Look under the "Found Porn" section. Funny shit.

I love Jessica like crazy, but I've got to try really hard to get back on track with my money-making scheme. It sucks, I want to see her ALL THE TIME, but I NEED to get more info into my head. I haven't done ANY reading since we've got together, and those books are due back... what is today? I hope this isn't the first, 'cause I'm fucked if it is.

Okay, I wanna write more, but I've got to go take a big shit before work. Oooh, I can get some reading in! YAY!

AND I'M OUT LIKE THIS TURD IN MY ASSHOLE IS ABOUT TO BE!