I was only going to do a small update, but like my penis; it just got bigger and bigger...

I did nothing today. Well, nothing productive. Sucks, I hate it when I can't sleep, I'm a fuckin' insomniac, I swear. No wonder I got addicted to nyquil.

Shaved my stomach hair today. If was funny. It pissed me off, so I just shaved it. Now it's all smooth and shit. Jessica was asking me, "Isn't it going to just keep growing back, aren't you just going to have to keep shaving it?" I forget what I said, but I should have told her that I didn't care if it grew back or not; my hair pissed me off, it was in the heat of the moment, I shaved it to teach it a lesson and I wasn't thinking about the long-term consequences. My hair looked at me funny, so it got fuckin' shaved. It knew better. But it decided it was gonna be funny. Well guess what stomach hair? Dave's pretty funny too. Now when you grow back, you'll think twice before you look at me all cross-eyed and shit.

Normally I don't talk about my dreams here, but I've got to bring this up because it was pretty traumatic. I dreamed about that faggot Nathan.

[Sidenote: Nathan was a guy I was friends with in high school that ended up giving me and all my friends from that era real mental problems. That's the Nathan story in a nutshell.]

I dreamed I saw him somewhere and he threatened me, he turned around and I put him in my favorite headlock. It was pretty fresh, but it was way too real. Luckily, mom woke me up. Wow, that was one of the first times I was happy to be woken up.

"But Dave, why would you want to stop dreaming when your dream was so fresh?"

Well voice in my head, I'm glad you asked.

There is so much hate in me when it comes to this guy. So much anger. I'm not an angry person anymore, but this guy... he's the biggest dickhole in the world. When I was in the dream and I saw him, I became overwhelmed with hatred. The anger washed over my entire body, I tensed up physically; everything came rushing back in a wave of heat.

It wasn't pleasant.

OH SHIT!!!! I've gotta tell you guys this. This is big.

There was a guy my mom was dating when I was about 8, a guy named Jay. He fucked with my mom something awful. I've always told everyone that, at any time I could go to jail, 'cause if I see him, I'm going to try to kill him. Well, guess what happened last night in Wal-mart?

I saw him.

Why am I not in jail now? Lemme tell you how it went down...
I'm walking out, I'm going past the donut section, and I see this little guy. He looks familiar... it's him. Oh shit. I tensed up, "This is it," I thought, "This is what I've been waiting for." I walk behind him like I'm going to look at the bread, I'm sizing him up. I always remembered that mom was bigger than him, but I didn't realize how small he was until I saw him in person. He wasn't even 5 feet tall! He is tiny, small and weak-looking. There he was, just picking out some donuts, going about his daily life; with no idea that he could be dead in the next five minutes. I started to think, I was thinking about what it's going to be like once I get revenge on this guy. I got images of me violently hurting him, trying to take his life. He wouldn't be able to defend himself. He wouldn't have any idea why I'm trying to kill him, he's just here to get some donuts. What if he changed? What if he has kids? What will happen to me, a man who was dumb enough to commit a violent crime on camera? I began to weigh these things against my mental state of being. I came to the conclusion that, although hurting or killing this man might make that small part of me feel better, I will feel a lot worse by possibly taking a father or husband away from someone, and spending life in jail for 1st degree murder in cold-blood. It's been15 years since then. Maybe that experience was supposed to help me become me in the long run.

This experince raised all sorts of moral questions in me, within the first few seconds of seeing him. One of them was, am I capable of taking a human life? It scares me to say this, but I believe the answer is a resounding yes.

I don't know. It's fucking my head up thinking about all this. If you read this, leave me a comment below so I can see what you think, yalls opinion about this is important to me.